A self-proclaimed Rom-Com lover, Lauren G. writes a weekly XHIBIT P Blog column on the in?s and out?s of the genre. She breaks it down, from character types to subject matter, helping us to make sense of it all past the good looks and fairy tale story lines. This week Lauren analyzes the current hot trend friends with benefits and discusses the origins of this frisky friendship, as well as three recent films based around these relationships.
In high school, I had this friend who was always talking to some random guy online, and they were all the same; they lived 800 miles away, they were ready for a serious relationship, they didn?t care about the distance, blah blah blah. In retrospect I probably should have been more insistent about getting her to stop, but she was always claiming that she had found love on the internet. I never took her seriously, due largely in part because she had a new love every two weeks, but also because I didn?t put much stock in internet dating. It all seemed too unreal, too virtual for me. I?m not sure if it?s because I was socialized to think that way, or if it?s a personal preference, but I?m sure that four particular movies have played a large part in the way that I think about it.
Personal ads have been present throughout history in many forms. During the 18th century matrimonial agencies would print ads for men and women seeking significant others, and would run these ads in the newspapers. Unfortunately, it was somewhat frowned upon to put an ad out for a significant other; people who used these agencies were viewed as desperate. Internet dating, which is obviously just the modern version of posting personal ads, is for the most part, viewed the same way. This new technological dating arena exploded in the mid to late 1990?s, and helped promote the use of the internet. Internet dating websites seem to cater to older people, and is regarded as a sort of social faux pas amongst the youth of society. Movies play a part in this ostracism also, by characterizing internet dating as an undesirable way to find love because it does not follow the socially acceptable course of falling in love, which is by chance.
Hollywood Says
Because I Said So (2007), a movie starring Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore, and Must Love Dogs are two romantic comedies that perpetuate the notion of internet dating being somewhat un-cool. In Because I said So Daphne Wilder (Diane Keaton) goes to the extreme by putting out a personal ad for her youngest daughter, Milly. When Milly finds out about her mother?s snooping she is livid; not only because she was involved in her love life, but also because she hated the fact that her mother thought she needed to stoop as low as putting personal ads out for her daughter. As it turns out, both Daphne and her daughter find love, not with the help of personal ads, but by pure luck. Must Love Dogs (2005) starring Diane Lane and John Cusack, is another romantic comedy that pokes fun at internet dating. Sarah Nolan (Diane Lane) is a lonely, and recently divorced thirty something year old woman. She has got an overbearing family (much like Milly in Because I Said So), and they take it upon themselves to put out a personal ad for their grieving divorcee. After nearly killing the bulk of her family for setting her up on these blind dates, Sarah meets particularly strange people via her personal ad. Sarah, who is justifiably mortified, decides to leave the realm of internet dating to its own vices. She winds up, however, meeting Jake (John Cusack) at a dog park, and this happens completely by chance. Because I said So and Must Love Dogs advocate for the finding of love, not by personal ads, but by the whim of the cosmos. They poke satirical fun at internet dating, and display it as the completely desperate, last resort type of thing to do.
Catfish (2010), a documentary by Ariel Schulman and Henry Joost show a completely different side to internet dating. This movie details the shocking internet love chronicles between Ariel?s younger brother Yaniv, and a girl that he met via Facebook. Yaniv has seemingly found the girl of his dreams?and then the movie throws you for a loop?actually that?s an understatement! While I can?t give the ending away, I can say that this movie displays some of the realities of finding love on the internet, and raises serious questions, the most important of which is ?Who are we really talking to?? You?ve Got Mail (1998), a romantic comedy starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, show the brighter side of internet dating. Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) is a successful bookstore owner who falls in love with Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), a man that she meets online. Joe and Kathleen meet in person, and after deciding that they cannot stand each other, continue to chat via email, blissfully unaware that they?ve met in person. This movie promotes internet dating because Joe and Kathleen?s relationship online was so much better than their relationship in person. The internet allows them to hide behind the shield of ?no specifics? (they knew no indentifying details about each other). Chance still plays a small role in this movie, as they meet up in person by chance, but the real wooing happens mostly on AOL.
Trailer for Catfish:
Leaving Love to Fate or Facebook?
According to statistical findings by OKCupid.com, women?s desirably online peaks at 21. One out of ten sex offenders use online dating sites to meet people. According to manvsdate.com, the online dating industry is worth 1.049 billion per year. On average, customers spend $239 dollars on online dating per year. 1 in 5 single people have dated online. We may be increasing our use of online dating sites, but how do the online courtships turn out? An article entitled ?Internet Marriages: More likely to end up in divorce?? written by Lauren Moraski, asks those questions about internet dating:
Although there are no official divorce statistics for those who met online, one thing is certain: Just as in marriage that begun in more traditional ways, love stories created from online matches don?t always have fairy tale endings.
Romantic comedies, as always, capitalize on happiness (and who could blame them? It?s what we like to see), so once again they leave us with the illusion that everything will turn into a love feast and we?ll all live happily ever after. ?Catfish? shows the not so happy ending side to internet dating (keep in mind though, that it is NOT a romantic comedy. It is real life), and brings forth some of the creepy dangers that lie in online relationships. ?The Social Network is about origins?, says A.O. Scott, author of ?The World Where You Aren?t What You Post?, ?while Catfish, at once narrower and more universal in implication, is about consequences.??All in all, it would appear that rom coms have a divided stance on internet dating. Some movies seem to be clinging to the standard, chance encounter kind of love story, while other movies are swaying in the direction of modern times. You?ve Got Mail is a prime example of a combination of both, even though it leans more towards promoting online relationships. It advocates meeting online, but also keeps up with serendipitous meetings between a man and a woman. It is safe to say that rom coms still want to provide us with our share of happy endings, even if they are divided on how to do so.
Source: http://www.xhibitp.com/1743/the-rom-com-with-lauren-g-the-%E2%80%9Conline-dating%E2%80%9D-movie/
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